Poetry
Deema Derawan's poetry explores the emotional, spiritual, and existential dimensions of the human experience.
Following her first existential crisis at the age of twelve, she began channeling her thoughts, questions, and emotions onto paper, finding refuge in writing as a tool for alchemy and healing.
What began as a means of navigating life's complexities evolved into a lifelong creative practice rooted in reflection, observation, and meaning-making.
Through lyrical and contemplative language, her work weaves together themes of love, longing, transformation, grief, beauty, and belonging, inviting readers into deeper connection with themselves and the world around them.
Dec 17, 2012, 12:44 PM
This reminds me of the most terrible feeling.
When your pain is tangible. You can reach out and touch it. It’s everywhere, consuming you. You don’t even realise how long it’s been eating away at your insides until you finally cave in and crumble helplessly, crashing, spiralling down, hopeless. The terrible tightening in your chest, the constriction of your lungs, the deep, shuddering breaths in as you try to hold back the inevitable- then you break. Now comes the painful, wracking sobs, screaming silently, your damaged self seeping out through the cracks that you flimsily repair each time you fall apart. But this time, those cracks have split wide open, leaving gaping holes in your being. You wail for a long time, weeping pitifully as you cry yourself a pool of self-sympathy, until you are empty,
Sun, Feb 24, 2013, 5:33 PM
I’m restless
unsettled
twitchy
alone, I am lonely
with others, suffocated
hands shake
joints ache
legs running in place
chemically controlled
all I want is open fields
all I want is a permanent home
Mon, Mar 25, 2013, 9:20 PM
We think of hell as some fiery dark place filled with hate and people who are horrible but isn’t that what our world is? People constantly hate each other, hating themselves, hating the things people do, hating the world around them – so why wouldn’t this be the hell of another planet, because there’s sure as hell enough hate to go around.
Fri, Aug 30, 2013, 12:56 AM
I try not to think about it much
I keep saying its nothing to really care about
I keep thinking that it's not worth to talk about
I drown my sadness
As if I'm drowning my own soul
Deep into the ocean of my thoughts
Hoping it won't float back up
But it comes back like a hunter in a killing season
Like a monster waiting to frighten the child
I am no longer in control
I am taken away
Deeply into the darkness
It is my secret
It is my sad little secret
Fri, Mar 7, 2014, 12:16 AM
I still smell like you
Cigarettes and cologne
Your soul haunts mine
When I'm drunk and alone
Can I bring back a false memory?
How is it false when everything seems to be so lucid and vivid
Tonight, I'm taken away
By the midnight thoughts
And aches of broken promises
You've left toxins
In the garden of my soul
I'd like to chew you and spit you out
Drink your poison and purge it out
Tonight, I am in control
I'm no longer committed to the demons inside of me
I'm no longer attached to my insanity
This is no longer a mental tragedy
I'm desperately clinging to recovery
Don't want to slip back to my old habits
Don't want to get get dragged back into that horrid black hole of lost dreams and hopeless goals
I wanna feel like a queen
I wanna have that healthy dose of self love
Tired of all the corruption
Tired of all the endless wars
Tonight, I let go of of my overwhelming sadness
Mon, May 5, 2014, 12:10 AM
crave him
His lips
Oh how I long for that kiss
His eyes
I could stare at them and die
His arms
I want to be held by them
What the fuck
This is not a poem.
Fri, Jun 20, 2014, 2:07 AM
you listen to the silence
and realize the absence
of feeling your emotions
your heart is idle for a while
your soul is vacant and you're taken
by the misery and fuckery
of this world's goddamn tragedies
you see it is quite of an irony
to be born with an unknown destiny
to be told what to dream
and what to do
and who to be
but don't listen to me
go on and be another zombie
of this fucked up society
you realize you're another slave
that will soon end up in a grave
darling your heart is tired
and it's time to retire
sleep for quite a long while
you may be a young soul
but you still have a long way to go
and with each scar you grow
with each high there is a low
to destroy yourself you must resist
to find balance you must insist
I know what it's like to be emotionless
Wed, Jul 23, 2014, 5:37 PM
With silence I lay
on a persian carpet of royal hay
hair shines from the summertime sun rays
a sky ever so doleful and grey
just as the clouds drift away
and the cigarette smoke dances in the air
so faded and dazed
I lay, I lay
a painting of its own way
so effortless and untamed
if only the beauty of the universe
could kill this bitterness
if only the strength of the ocean waves
could fill in the alleys of hate
it’s one of july’s warmest days
yet the shiver down my spine remains
with bones that ache
with hands that shake
I lay, I lay
13 March 2017 at 12:31 am
Distract yourself
Tell yourself you're happy
Call your mom
Make her believe you're okay
And when it's 3 in the morning
Stare deep into your own eyes
And ask yourself
What color are they
Think about all the things that have been on your mind
Think about all of your mistakes
Think of your past
Think of your future
Your present
Now start panicking
Where did it all go wrong?
What led you to this?
How long do you have to keep fighting it?
You think to yourself
Are the good days really worth it if they're so rare to come by?
You go up to your roof
You stare at the moon
And think to yourself
Will I ever be alright?
Will I ever be at peace?
21 October 2017 at 6:07 pm
I want you to know that it’s okay and that you are surrounded by people who love and care about you. I want you to know that no matter how deep you may feel you are in this, that there is hope for a better future and a more peaceful one. I want you to take a deep breath, and to take every day by day, and to dedicate time to yourself, to your family, your friends, and loved one. I want you to be kind and gentle to yourself and to everyone you love. Listen to good music, eat slowly, enjoy the things you love, Be patient, be soft, tender, and loving. You’ve survived until this point and you can keep going. I believe in you.
A Prayer to The Elements
Dear Wind,
Would you please carry my spirit with the thin air
to the land of liberty and peace?
Let it set free~
to feel nothing but love,
contentment,
and ease.
Dear Ocean,
I long to swim in your waters
until I reach the other end of the world.
Flow with the waves of love
and forget about all the chaos on this planet.
Dear Fire,
Please burn my sadness into ashes
and let it drift off into another universe,
where it settles and smolders,
becoming compost
for a gentler world.
Dear Earth,
I want the thin cracks I skip over
on city streets
to stretch wide open
and swallow all the hate
that has taken over world.
Dear You,
I hope you don’t suffer for long.
I hope you find your peace in life.
I hope you realize that life can be kind.
There is a light~
and it’ll shine so bright.
An Ode to The Moon
A full moon so bright in the sky
A night in which I feel most alive
It's so lovely to finally reach
The highs along the lows
Indeed it's a long road to go
The emotions that are compelled to feel
Are what the soul needs to heal
The downsides of the journey
Are to embrace not to worry
so darling come along and join me
let us drink the positive energy
get high on soulful poetry
let us wander and get lost
in the alleys of life and its philosophy
and with the muses we get drunk on art
celebrate what awakens the heart
explore what this life has to offer
living is a pleasure not to suffer
The Road to Peace:
Develop a weekly ritual for yourself such as going to the beach on Saturdays
Save enough money to get a new piercing or tattoo every month.
Practice intermittent fasting (stop eating after 6 or 7..)
Keep room clean and neat and organize your space in a manner that would bring you peace.
Write. Write a lot. Write everything that’s in your head.
Make a new piece of art every week.
Read something that nourishes your soul every night before you sleep.
Destruction is a form of Creation.
When you start to experience your world fallIng apart, breaking down, shifting, and disintegrating, know that you’re on the verge of transformation. You are, in fact, evolving, and what comes next is always worth it.
It is the path of the spiral — regressions and progressions. Stay grounded, release your fear of the unknown, cultivate patience, and watch as the magic of your path begins to unfold.
Let love in.
Allow it to move through you and nurture you. Let it hold your entire being in times of fear, confusion, and self doubt.
Let it be the armor that you put on everyday as you face the world.
Love is the strongest force, it is the most sustainable and reliable source. It is the power that transmutes whatever discomfort you may feel into freedom.
Love is what sets you free.
The Game We Came Here to Play
Coming back home to myself,
Reconnecting with my body,
Remembering my essence.
Who am I, really?
Beyond my name,
My shape,
My vessel,
My identity.
Who am I?
Beyond all that’s been bestowed upon me,
I am no one,
Yet someone.
A soul,
Reincarnated,
Here on this earth.
I came to learn,
To explore,
To play,
To love,
And to be loved.
My dedication to growth
Sometimes pulls me
Out of my own flow.
I get tired.
And then I remember,
It’s part of the game.
All of it.
The rising,
The resting,
The forgetting,
The remembering.
It’s all part of the game
We came here to play.
On Faith and Fear
Faith and fear are two sides of the same coin…Both make you believe in something you can’t see.
Fear leads to negative thoughts and emotions in your body… What if I fail? What if I don’t know what to do? What if people judge me?
Faith leads to positive thoughts and emotions in your body… What if I succeed? What if I find my purpose? What if people are inspired by my example?
Remember that you have a choice. You always have a choice. And when you feel like you don’t, just give it up to the divine.
The Chase
Tired of hiding,
Tired of chasing,
I am here
In the now
No where to go
No place to be
But here
Right in the now
On Love & War
love,
it’s the only thing
i ever want
to fill my heart with.
i always dreamt of a world where there is
less hate,
less violence,
less crime,
no war.
a world that vibrates
on the frequency of
more peace,
more love,
more unity,
and no war.
how do we still live in a world
where war continues to exists?
i always thought of love
to be the ultimate truth,
And I question what love can do
In such brutal times of
children being murdered,
families being evicted?
love’s warmth can soothe
in gaza’s land, may love take root.
for in this world,
let our hearts unite
to end the darkness,
And find the light,
I pray for a better world,
Where love’s light can shine,
all in due time.
Running thoughts: thoughts while running
Sometimes we have to repeat the same lesson over and over again until it becomes ingrained in our psyche. The dark times may reappear to show us where we still need to heal. It’s the path of the spiral. My intention is to translate all of that onto a canvas and through my artistic practices. That is alchemy at its best.
When you’re in an activated state, drop everything you think you should do and just be. Be with yourself, with your emotions, and nurture whatever is coming through. Remember your power. You are a healer. You have the power to transmute all that comes through. Contrast is necessary in order for you to experience the brighter polarity. The key is non attachment. Witness the pain without being consumed by it. To observe without attachment is the highest form of intelligence.
Reflections on Love:
How do you know if it's love or attachment?
I often pondered upon the difference between the two. However, clarity finally hit me as I nibbled on a bowl of açaí and fruit.
Love is a feeling of expansion in your chest. It’s boundless, and limitless. It’s warm and tender. Gentle and patient. Love feels good; it feels safe. Love makes you smile, it makes your time worthwhile. Love brings out the best in you; love celebrates you. It showers you with bliss and brings you joy. Love, is a feeling of expansion. Attachment, on the other hand, feels tight in your chest. It’s fearful and dependent. It’s needy and clingy. Insecure and uneasy. So, next time you find yourself pondering upon this question, notice the difference in the sensation between the two, then ask yourself, is it love or attachment?
The answer will always lie within.
Love is letting go. Attachment is holding on.
SHAME
Why do you hide behind shame?
Why do you hide behind the shadows of your pain?
I have lived a thousand and one lifetimes before,
Experienced death after death,
Only to come back home to myself.
The capacity to feel is the capacity to heal.
Release your shame,
Release your pain,
Release the toxins and break free from the chains.
The antidote to shame is empathy.
Embrace your power,
Embrace your strength,
Embrace the love and let it course through your veins.
ANGER
Anger washes over me,
I feel it pulsing through my body.
It is in my head,
It is in my chest.
I'm clenching my jaw,
I'm clenching my fists.
It is bitter and resentful,
Intoxicating and debilitating.
Anger makes me want to scream,
It clouds my judgment,
And blinds my vision.
It is silent yet loud,
Holding sadness,
and control.
I feel it in my veins,
I feel it in my bones.
It echoes and roars,
Anger washes all over me
To tell me where I've been wronged,
And how much I’ve been in pain.
GRIEF
EGO, SOUL.
SOUL, EGO.
I GRIEVE, AND I GRIEVE, AND I GRIEVE.
I GRIEVE
THE LOST PARTS OF YOU IN ME, I GRIEVE.
I GRIEVE
THE LOST PARTS OF ME IN YOU, I GRIEVE.
I GRIEVE
THE LOST MEMORY OF US AS ONE, I GRIEVE.
I GRIEVE
THE LOSS OF OUR FRIENDSHIP.
I GRIEVE
THE LOSS OF OUR CONNECTION.
I GRIEVE
THE SADNESS.
I GRIEVE
THE PAIN.
I GRIEVED IT ALL,
UNTIL IT FADED AWAY.
Nature
Nature,
it’s where I feel
most at home.
I flow with her seasons
and I let them flow
through me.
I feel her deeply,
as she is in me,
and I,
I come from her.
Nature,
it’s where I return
home to myself.
From summer,
to fall,
to winter,
and spring.
Life,
death,
rebirth,
and again.
She is my greatest healer,
my wisest teacher.
She heals me
when I walk her sacred grounds,
when I press my palms
against her trees.
I hear her voice in the rustling leaves,
and in that stillness,
I find peace.
Oh Mother Earth,
thank you.
Thank you for holding me.
Thank you for nurturing me.
Thank you for teaching me.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Rest
Do you honor your “lulls”? Do you see them as sacred times calling your body, mind, and spirit to rest? We can’t always be at a high, constantly creating and outputting. Sometimes, the most important thing we can do is to simply rest and allow ourselves to be.
We are called ‘human beings,’ not ‘human doings.’ Trust in the divine timing of your activations, and honor those moments when you’re called to pause. Life is cyclical, and just like nature, we move through our seasons.
Embrace the stillness—and just rest.
#lifetheyinway
Sacred Feminine Rage
No,
You will not
Silence us.
Nor
Can you
Belittle us.
Force us,
Oppress us,
Shame us,
Or control us.
There is a
Sacred
Rage,
And that is
A feminine one.
One
Which has been
Brewing
Far too long.
Long enough
For it has
Turned bitter,
And intoxicating.
It is time
We reclaim
Our power.
We are
The birthers.
We bring life
Into existence.
We are
The mothers,
Raising
The children
Of tomorrow.
We are the warriors,
Fighting battles
Each day,
Of suppression,
Of oppression,
Inequality,
and injustice.
We are god’s manifest
In human form.
We are the
Goddesses,
Our wombs
Being portals
To creation.
It is time
We reclaim
Our voices.
To sing,
And roar.
Bring truth
And restore,
Harmony
Into this world.
We see,
We feel,
We heal.
The feminine rage,
Is a sacred one.
It is soft,
Yet powerful.
Like the wind’s breeze,
Turned into storm.
Sacred & Evil
Somewhere between life and death,
Awareness and ignorance,
Love and hate,
There is a silence.
A space,
To breathe.
You see,
Life exists within these polarities.
Strip away all the noise,
The names,
The choices to make.
You will see,
It’s all the same.
It’s all sacred.
All evil.
All together.
All at once.
On Community
Community,
a chosen family.
A web of threads,
weaving us together.
Interconnected,
From one heart to another.
Creating the future,
through a shared collective vision,
we dare to dream together.
We gather to create,
and in that creation,
lives complexity.
We each carry our own truths,
our own colors,
our own ways of seeing,
and ways of being.
That’s the beauty,
and the challenge.
I believe the future depends on this:
how well we can build
peaceful, harmonious communities.
This is the work.
This IS the work.
If we don’t do it,
if we keep turning away,
the same patterns of the past
will continue to echo forward.
History repeats itself,
until we break those chains.
When we come closer,
triggers will arise.
Shadows may surface too.
This is natural,
as we become mirrors for one another.
Reflecting what’s unspoken,
what’s unhealed.
The question is:
What will we do
with what we see?
Can we hold space
for one another?
Can we love the darkness
in each other?
Can we remember, always,
the light we each carry inside?
Let us radiate that light.
Let us come together,
and create,
in unity and in harmony.
Let us break down the old paradigms
and build something new.
Something more whole.
The power is here now,
within us.
Remember your why.
Let us hold this power,
let us cherish it,
let us shine it,
so bright.
And so it is,
So mote it be.
I Feel, Therefore I am
Decartes says,
I think,
Therefore I am.
But to me,
It is
more of
I feel,
Therefore I am.
It is through my senses
that I take in
my experience
and the world
around me.
And sometimes,
It gets a bit much.
Then I ground myself,
I breathe.
I let myself feel.
I embrace the discomfort
And feel it all.
Because just like
Clouds passing by,
Our feelings arise,
And fall again.
Nothing in life is permanent
And the only constant is change.
Shedding Skins
Shifting phases,
Shedding skins.
Reclaiming the lost parts of me,
Reclaiming the infinite power that exists within me.
Coming back home to myself,
Reconnecting with my body,
Remembering my essence.
Who am I, really?
Beyond my name,
My shape,
My vessel,
And my identity.
Who am I?
Beyond all that’s been bestowed upon me.
I am no one,
Yet someone.
A soul,
Reincarnated,
Here on this earth.
I came here to learn,
To explore,
To play,
To love,
And to be loved.
My dedication to growth
Sometimes pulls me
Out of my own flow.
I get tired.
And then I remember,
It’s part of the game.
All of it.
The rising,
The resting,
The forgetting,
The remembering.
It’s all part of the game
We came here to play.
Phoenix Rising
She rises —
like a Phoenix from the ashes.
Constantly faced,
with her own cycles
of death and rebirth,
life and decay,
fire and water.
You will never know the depths of your own soul until you dive deep within the murky waters of your shadowed emotions. The journey through the underworld is not for the faint hearted.
The Feminine
She
who stands,
rooted in her power,
knows the path
she has been on
was not
an easy one.
She knows she has walked
through wakes of hell
and climbed her way
up to heaven again.
There’s an innocence to her eyes,
and a glimmer in her heart.
She loves unconditionally,
cares and nurtures
wholeheartedly.
She fights for what is right,
and knows when to fight.
When stepping into her queendom,
be sure to do so with reverence.
As you may get lost
in the valleys of her depth,
and the beauty of her sorrows.
From
maiden
to mother
to huntress
to priestess—
she rises,
like a fucking goddess.