Poetry

Deema Derawan's poetry explores the emotional, spiritual, and existential dimensions of the human experience.

Following her first existential crisis at the age of twelve, she began channeling her thoughts, questions, and emotions onto paper, finding refuge in writing as a tool for alchemy and healing.

What began as a means of navigating life's complexities evolved into a lifelong creative practice rooted in reflection, observation, and meaning-making.

Through lyrical and contemplative language, her work weaves together themes of love, longing, transformation, grief, beauty, and belonging, inviting readers into deeper connection with themselves and the world around them.

Dec 17, 2012, 12:44 PM

This reminds me of the most terrible feeling.

When your pain is tangible. You can reach out and touch it. It’s everywhere, consuming you. You don’t even realise how long it’s been eating away at your insides until you finally cave in and crumble helplessly, crashing, spiralling down, hopeless. The terrible tightening in your chest, the constriction of your lungs, the deep, shuddering breaths in as you try to hold back the inevitable- then you break. Now comes the painful, wracking sobs, screaming silently, your damaged self seeping out through the cracks that you flimsily repair each time you fall apart. But this time, those cracks have split wide open, leaving gaping holes in your being. You wail for a long time, weeping pitifully as you cry yourself a pool of self-sympathy, until you are empty,

Sun, Feb 24, 2013, 5:33 PM

I’m restless

unsettled

twitchy

alone, I am lonely

with others, suffocated

hands shake

joints ache

legs running in place

chemically controlled

all I want is open fields

all I want is a permanent home

Mon, Mar 25, 2013, 9:20 PM

We think of hell as some fiery dark place filled with hate and people who are horrible but isn’t that what our world is? People constantly hate each other, hating themselves, hating the things people do, hating the world around them – so why wouldn’t this be the hell of another planet, because there’s sure as hell enough hate to go around.

Fri, Aug 30, 2013, 12:56 AM

I try not to think about it much

I keep saying its nothing to really care about

I keep thinking that it's not worth to talk about

I drown my sadness 

As if I'm drowning my own soul

Deep into the ocean of my thoughts

Hoping it won't float back up

But it comes back like a hunter in a killing season 

Like a monster waiting to frighten the child

I am no longer in control 

I am taken away

Deeply into the darkness

It is my secret

It is my sad little secret

Fri, Mar 7, 2014, 12:16 AM

I still smell like you

Cigarettes and cologne 

Your soul haunts mine

When I'm drunk and alone 

Can I bring back a false memory?

How is it false when everything seems to be so lucid and vivid 

Tonight, I'm taken away

By the midnight thoughts

And aches of broken promises

You've left toxins

In the garden of my soul 

I'd like to chew you and spit you out

Drink your poison and purge it out

Tonight, I am in control 

I'm no longer committed to the demons inside of me

I'm no longer attached to my insanity

This is no longer a mental tragedy

I'm desperately clinging to recovery 

Don't want to slip back to my old habits

Don't want to get get dragged back into that horrid black hole of lost dreams and hopeless goals 

I wanna feel like a queen

I wanna have that healthy dose of self love

Tired of all the corruption 

Tired of all the endless wars

Tonight, I let go of of my overwhelming sadness

Mon, May 5, 2014, 12:10 AM

crave him

His lips 

Oh how I long for that kiss

His eyes

I could stare at them and die

His arms

I want to be held by them

What the fuck

This is not a poem.

Fri, Jun 20, 2014, 2:07 AM

you listen to the silence

and realize the absence

of feeling your emotions

your heart is idle for a while

your soul is vacant and you're taken

by the misery and fuckery

of this world's goddamn tragedies

you see it is quite of an irony

to be born with an unknown destiny

to be told what to dream

and what to do

and who to be

but don't listen to me

go on and be another zombie

of this fucked up society 

you realize you're another slave

that will soon end up in a grave

darling your heart is tired

and it's time to retire

sleep for quite a long while

you may be a young soul

but you still have a long way to go

and with each scar you grow

with each high there is a low

to destroy yourself you must resist

to find balance you must insist

I know what it's like to be emotionless


Wed, Jul 23, 2014, 5:37 PM

With silence I lay

on a persian carpet of royal hay

hair shines from the summertime sun rays 

a sky ever so doleful and grey

just as the clouds drift away

and the cigarette smoke dances in the air

so faded and dazed

I lay, I lay

a painting of its own way

so effortless and untamed

if only the beauty of the universe

could kill this bitterness 

if only the strength of the ocean waves

could fill in the alleys of hate 

it’s one of july’s warmest days 

yet the shiver down my spine remains

with bones that ache

with hands that shake

I lay, I lay


13 March 2017 at 12:31 am

Distract yourself

Tell yourself you're happy

Call your mom

Make her believe you're okay

And when it's 3 in the morning

Stare deep into your own eyes

And ask yourself

What color are they

Think about all the things that have been on your mind

Think about all of your mistakes

Think of your past

Think of your future

Your present

Now start panicking

Where did it all go wrong?

What led you to this?

How long do you have to keep fighting it?

You think to yourself

Are the good days really worth it if they're so rare to come by?

You go up to your roof

You stare at the moon

And think to yourself

Will I ever be alright?

Will I ever be at peace?

21 October 2017 at 6:07 pm

I want you to know that it’s okay and that you are surrounded by people who love and care about you. I want you to know that no matter how deep you may feel you are in this, that there is hope for a better future and a more peaceful one. I want you to take a deep breath, and to take every day by day, and to dedicate time to yourself, to your family, your friends, and loved one. I want you to be kind and gentle to yourself and to everyone you love. Listen to good music, eat slowly, enjoy the things you love, Be patient, be soft, tender, and loving. You’ve survived until this point and you can keep going. I believe in you.

A Prayer to The Elements

Dear Wind,

Would you please carry my spirit with the thin air

to the land of liberty and peace?

Let it set free~

to feel nothing but love,

contentment,

and ease.

Dear Ocean,

I long to swim in your waters

until I reach the other end of the world.

Flow with the waves of love

and forget about all the chaos on this planet.

Dear Fire,

Please burn my sadness into ashes

and let it drift off into another universe,

where it settles and smolders,

becoming compost

for a gentler world.

Dear Earth,

I want the thin cracks I skip over

on city streets

to stretch wide open

and swallow all the hate

that has taken over world.

Dear You,

I hope you don’t suffer for long.

I hope you find your peace in life.

I hope you realize that life can be kind.

There is a light~

and it’ll shine so bright.

An Ode to The Moon

A full moon so bright in the sky

A night in which I feel most alive

It's so lovely to finally reach

The highs along the lows

Indeed it's a long road to go

The emotions that are compelled to feel

Are what the soul needs to heal

The downsides of the journey

Are to embrace not to worry

so darling come along and join me

let us drink the positive energy

get high on soulful poetry

let us wander and get lost

in the alleys of life and its philosophy

and with the muses we get drunk on art

celebrate what awakens the heart

explore what this life has to offer

living is a pleasure not to suffer

The Road to Peace:

Develop a weekly ritual for yourself such as going to the beach on Saturdays

Save enough money to get a new piercing or tattoo every month.

Practice intermittent fasting (stop eating after 6 or 7..)

Keep room clean and neat and organize your space in a manner that would bring you peace.

Write. Write a lot. Write everything that’s in your head.

Make a new piece of art every week.

Read something that nourishes your soul every night before you sleep.

Destruction is a form of Creation.

When you start to experience your world fallIng apart, breaking down, shifting, and disintegrating, know that you’re on the verge of transformation. You are, in fact, evolving, and what comes next is always worth it.

It is the path of the spiral — regressions and progressions. Stay grounded, release your fear of the unknown, cultivate patience, and watch as the magic of your path begins to unfold.

Let love in.

Allow it to move through you and nurture you. Let it hold your entire being in times of fear, confusion, and self doubt.

Let it be the armor that you put on everyday as you face the world.

Love is the strongest force, it is the most sustainable and reliable source. It is the power that transmutes whatever discomfort you may feel into freedom.

Love is what sets you free.

The Game We Came Here to Play

Coming back home to myself,

Reconnecting with my body,

Remembering my essence.

Who am I, really?

Beyond my name,

My shape,

My vessel,

My identity.

Who am I?

Beyond all that’s been bestowed upon me,

I am no one,

Yet someone.

A soul,

Reincarnated,

Here on this earth.

I came to learn,

To explore,

To play,

To love,

And to be loved.

My dedication to growth

Sometimes pulls me

Out of my own flow.

I get tired.

And then I remember,

It’s part of the game.

All of it.

The rising,

The resting,

The forgetting,

The remembering.

It’s all part of the game

We came here to play.

On Faith and Fear

Faith and fear are two sides of the same coin…Both make you believe in something you can’t see.

Fear leads to negative thoughts and emotions in your body… What if I fail? What if I don’t know what to do? What if people judge me?

Faith leads to positive thoughts and emotions in your body… What if I succeed? What if I find my purpose? What if people are inspired by my example?

Remember that you have a choice. You always have a choice. And when you feel like you don’t, just give it up to the divine.

The Chase

Tired of hiding,

Tired of chasing,

I am here

In the now

No where to go

No place to be

But here

Right in the now

On Love & War

love,

it’s the only thing

i ever want

to fill my heart with.

i always dreamt of a world where there is

less hate,

less violence,

less crime,

no war.

a world that vibrates

on the frequency of

more peace,

more love,

more unity,

and no war.

how do we still live in a world

where war continues to exists?

i always thought of love

to be the ultimate truth,

And I question what love can do

In such brutal times of

children being murdered,

families being evicted?

love’s warmth can soothe

in gaza’s land, may love take root.

for in this world,

let our hearts unite

to end the darkness,

And find the light,

I pray for a better world,

Where love’s light can shine,

all in due time.

Running thoughts: thoughts while running

Sometimes we have to repeat the same lesson over and over again until it becomes ingrained in our psyche. The dark times may reappear to show us where we still need to heal. It’s the path of the spiral. My intention is to translate all of that onto a canvas and through my artistic practices. That is alchemy at its best.

When you’re in an activated state, drop everything you think you should do and just be. Be with yourself, with your emotions, and nurture whatever is coming through. Remember your power. You are a healer. You have the power to transmute all that comes through. Contrast is necessary in order for you to experience the brighter polarity. The key is non attachment. Witness the pain without being consumed by it. To observe without attachment is the highest form of intelligence.

Reflections on Love:

How do you know if it's love or attachment?

I often pondered upon the difference between the two. However, clarity finally hit me as I nibbled on a bowl of açaí and fruit.

Love is a feeling of expansion in your chest. It’s boundless, and limitless. It’s warm and tender. Gentle and patient. Love feels good; it feels safe. Love makes you smile, it makes your time worthwhile. Love brings out the best in you; love celebrates you. It showers you with bliss and brings you joy. Love, is a feeling of expansion. Attachment, on the other hand, feels tight in your chest. It’s fearful and dependent. It’s needy and clingy. Insecure and uneasy. So, next time you find yourself pondering upon this question, notice the difference in the sensation between the two, then ask yourself, is it love or attachment?

The answer will always lie within.

Love is letting go. Attachment is holding on.

SHAME

Why do you hide behind shame?
Why do you hide behind the shadows of your pain?
I have lived a thousand and one lifetimes before,
Experienced death after death,
Only to come back home to myself.
The capacity to feel is the capacity to heal.
Release your shame,
Release your pain,
Release the toxins and break free from the chains.
The antidote to shame is empathy.
Embrace your power,
Embrace your strength,
Embrace the love and let it course through your veins.

ANGER

Anger washes over me,
I feel it pulsing through my body.
It is in my head,
It is in my chest.
I'm clenching my jaw,
I'm clenching my fists.
It is bitter and resentful,
Intoxicating and debilitating.
Anger makes me want to scream,
It clouds my judgment,
And blinds my vision.
It is silent yet loud,
Holding sadness,
and control.
I feel it in my veins,
I feel it in my bones.
It echoes and roars,
Anger washes all over me
To tell me where I've been wronged,
And how much I’ve been in pain.

GRIEF

EGO, SOUL.
SOUL, EGO.
I GRIEVE, AND I GRIEVE, AND I GRIEVE.
I GRIEVE
THE LOST PARTS OF YOU IN ME, I GRIEVE.
I GRIEVE
THE LOST PARTS OF ME IN YOU, I GRIEVE.
I GRIEVE
THE LOST MEMORY OF US AS ONE, I GRIEVE.
I GRIEVE
THE LOSS OF OUR FRIENDSHIP.
I GRIEVE
THE LOSS OF OUR CONNECTION.
I GRIEVE
THE SADNESS.
I GRIEVE
THE PAIN.
I GRIEVED IT ALL,
UNTIL IT FADED AWAY.

Nature

Nature,

it’s where I feel

most at home.

I flow with her seasons

and I let them flow

through me.

I feel her deeply,

as she is in me,

and I,

I come from her.

Nature,

it’s where I return

home to myself.

From summer,

to fall,

to winter,

and spring.

Life,

death,

rebirth,

and again.

She is my greatest healer,

my wisest teacher.

She heals me

when I walk her sacred grounds,

when I press my palms

against her trees.

I hear her voice in the rustling leaves,

and in that stillness,

I find peace.

Oh Mother Earth,

thank you.

Thank you for holding me.

Thank you for nurturing me.

Thank you for teaching me.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Rest

Do you honor your “lulls”? Do you see them as sacred times calling your body, mind, and spirit to rest? We can’t always be at a high, constantly creating and outputting. Sometimes, the most important thing we can do is to simply rest and allow ourselves to be.

We are called ‘human beings,’ not ‘human doings.’ Trust in the divine timing of your activations, and honor those moments when you’re called to pause. Life is cyclical, and just like nature, we move through our seasons. 

Embrace the stillness—and just rest. 

#lifetheyinway

Sacred Feminine Rage

No,
You will not
Silence us.
Nor
Can you
Belittle us.
Force us,
Oppress us,
Shame us,
Or control us.

There is a
Sacred
Rage,
And that is
A feminine one.

One
Which has been
Brewing
Far too long.
Long enough
For it has
Turned bitter,
And intoxicating.

It is time
We reclaim
Our power.

We are
The birthers.
We bring life
Into existence.

We are
The mothers,
Raising
The children
Of tomorrow.

We are the warriors,
Fighting battles
Each day,
Of suppression,
Of oppression,
Inequality,
and injustice.

We are god’s manifest
In human form.

We are the
Goddesses,
Our wombs
Being portals
To creation.

It is time
We reclaim
Our voices.

To sing,
And roar.
Bring truth
And restore,
Harmony
Into this world.

We see,
We feel,
We heal.

The feminine rage,
Is a sacred one.

It is soft,
Yet powerful.
Like the wind’s breeze,
Turned into storm.

Sacred & Evil

Somewhere between life and death,
Awareness and ignorance,
Love and hate,
There is a silence.
A space,
To breathe.
You see,
Life exists within these polarities.
Strip away all the noise,
The names,
The choices to make.
You will see,
It’s all the same.
It’s all sacred.
All evil.
All together.
All at once.

On Community

Community,

a chosen family.

A web of threads,
weaving us together.
Interconnected,
From one heart to another.

Creating the future,
through a shared collective vision,
we dare to dream together.

We gather to create,
and in that creation,
lives complexity.

We each carry our own truths,
our own colors,
our own ways of seeing,
and ways of being.

That’s the beauty,
and the challenge.

I believe the future depends on this:
how well we can build
peaceful, harmonious communities.

This is the work.
This IS the work.

If we don’t do it,
if we keep turning away,
the same patterns of the past
will continue to echo forward.

History repeats itself,
until we break those chains.

When we come closer,
triggers will arise.
Shadows may surface too.

This is natural,
as we become mirrors for one another.

Reflecting what’s unspoken,
what’s unhealed.

The question is:
What will we do
with what we see?

Can we hold space
for one another?
Can we love the darkness
in each other?
Can we remember, always,
the light we each carry inside?

Let us radiate that light.
Let us come together,
and create,
in unity and in harmony.

Let us break down the old paradigms
and build something new.
Something more whole.

The power is here now,
within us.

Remember your why.

Let us hold this power,
let us cherish it,
let us shine it,

so bright.

And so it is,
So mote it be.

I Feel, Therefore I am

Decartes says,

I think,

Therefore I am.

But to me,

It is

more of

I feel,

Therefore I am.

It is through my senses

that I take in

my experience

and the world

around me.

And sometimes,

It gets a bit much.

Then I ground myself,

I breathe.

I let myself feel.

I embrace the discomfort

And feel it all.

Because just like

Clouds passing by,

Our feelings arise,

And fall again.

Nothing in life is permanent

And the only constant is change.

Shedding Skins

Shifting phases,

Shedding skins.

Reclaiming the lost parts of me,

Reclaiming the infinite power that exists within me.

Coming back home to myself,
Reconnecting with my body,
Remembering my essence.

Who am I, really?

Beyond my name,
My shape,
My vessel,

And my identity.

Who am I?

Beyond all that’s been bestowed upon me.


I am no one,
Yet someone.

A soul,
Reincarnated,
Here on this earth.

I came here to learn,
To explore,
To play,
To love,
And to be loved.

My dedication to growth
Sometimes pulls me
Out of my own flow.

I get tired.
And then I remember,
It’s part of the game.

All of it.


The rising,
The resting,
The forgetting,
The remembering.

It’s all part of the game
We came here to play.

Phoenix Rising

She rises —
like a Phoenix from the ashes.
Constantly faced,
with her own cycles
of death and rebirth,
life and decay,
fire and water.

You will never know the depths of your own soul until you dive deep within the murky waters of your shadowed emotions. The journey through the underworld is not for the faint hearted.

The Feminine

She

who stands,

rooted in her power,

knows the path

she has been on

was not

an easy one.

She knows she has walked

through wakes of hell

and climbed her way

up to heaven again.

There’s an innocence to her eyes,

and a glimmer in her heart.

She loves unconditionally,

cares and nurtures

wholeheartedly.

She fights for what is right,

and knows when to fight.

When stepping into her queendom,

be sure to do so with reverence.

As you may get lost

in the valleys of her depth,

and the beauty of her sorrows.

From

maiden

to mother

to huntress

to priestess—

she rises,

like a fucking goddess.